The Distinguished Gentleman (from Shanghai?)

By Jie LaoShi

The Longman Dictionary defines “Gentleman” as a man who is always polite, has good manners, and treats other people well. This means, for ladies in particular, a “knight in a shining armour”. One who will sacrifice everything, be it simple or complex, just to “save a lady in distress”. One who minds and understands the feeling of other people around. One who respects other people's emotions. In other words, making sure that nobody is hurt physically and emotionally.

As students of an all-boys high school maintained by Belgian Priests in the Philippines, it was taught and inculcated in us to act gentlemanly. Always stay on the danger side when walking with a lady, always let ladies first, saying the magic words (please, thank you, etc.), assist old folks and ladies when climbing up, let ladies (and old folks) sit down, etc. One stereotypical image of a gentleman is a caricature where a man placed his handkerchief on a puddle so that a woman could pass thru. Maybe by the time I finish enumerating the GMRCs (Good Manners and Right Conduct), you would be snoring on your seat.

It seems that this ideal behaviour got lost along the way while a city of 20 million people was growing. Or, did it ever exist in a Chinese way of life? We are not very sure if it got lost or it was never there in the first place. The fact is clear though, it is not being practiced by the 20 million people living in a bustling metropolis. You say, “We should not generalize”. “I am a gentleman. I always offer my seat to a lady or an old folk”. Good for you! I do to! In a bus, if I am lucky enough to be seated, I always make it a point to let ladies, and old folks for that matter, take my seat. But why does it feel like there are very few of us who do this? Every time I commute, I observe “Distinguished Gentlemen from Shanghai” who do not let old folks, ladies, and little girls take their seat. They just stare... and adding insult to injury, look at the person “in distress” from head to foot. What a nerve! Okay! Let's just pretend you are tired, can you have the conscience to sit while looking at an old woman standing directly in front of you? I can't take it! Neither could you, right? But this “Distinguished Gentleman from Shanghai” did!

I am not out to castigate these “Distinguished Gentlemen from Shanghai”. I do not have the right to point out what should be and what shouldn't be. I am a foreigner in their land. I do not know their culture very well. Maybe it is normal for them to behave like so. Perhaps I am over reacting to what I see daily, twice a day, seven days a week, four weeks a month, and wait… I've been here for a year. That means I’ve seen it … you do the math.